Not Google Plus
By
Dan Gurewitch
By now you've probably heard about
Google+, a new social networking
platform. But there are already so
many of those.
That's why we've created Not
Google+. Joining is simple: First,
don't join Google+. Then, once
you've done that, don't invite your
friends to join Google+. They'll
all start not inviting their
friends to join, and soon, nobody
will feel any need or desire to
join Google+, and we can all get on
with our lives.
On Not Google+, you'll have fun not
spending hours dividing your
friends into "circles," not having
to update your "stream," and not
worrying about "huddles" and
"hangouts" or even learning what
those words mean!
In fact, Not Google+ has no
learning curve at all - everyone
alive has years of experience using
it! You're an expert!
Not Google+ provides the most
privacy of any social platform.
There's no mobile app to download.
You won't have to worry about
syncing it to FourSquare and
Tumblr, you won't feel a
compulsive, insecure need to
refresh it, and it will never
contribute to an irrational fear of
"missing out."
Not Google+ accomplishes all of
this simply by being, by
definition, something that does not
technically exist in the physical
realm. No one has ever received 14
invitations to a one-woman show on
a website that doesn't exist!
Best of all, you're already a Not
Google+ member. To continue your
membership, simply continue not
joining Google+.
Eat a cantaloupe, clean your
toilet, play tetherball with a
small Portuguese child - as long as
you're not joining Google+, you're
enjoying the benefits of Not
Google+. It's that easy!
If you enjoyed our other products,
"Definitely Not Google Wave" and
"Get The Hell Out of Here With That
Google Buzz Thing, Just Stop," you,
like us, understand that the
biggest revolution in social
networking would be for there to be
no more revolutions in social
networking. Not Google+: Because
Enough Already.
END.
